I wrote that in about an hour last night before I went to bed, so I was afraid that people would point out a ton of bad writing.
<raises hand> Hi there. I'm Legion. Simon Cowell's evil twin.
Seriously, though, if you ever REALLY want something of yours dissected, I'm one of the people to ask. I usually try to keep from volunteering that kind of feedback except to people that I know are actively working towards a writing profession. (Basically, if it can't get past ME due to grammar or plot inconsistencies, there's almost no way it will make it past a professional book-reader
On the whole, here, the Sanctum-goers are pretty gentle -- and the community rules encourage this. So it is reasonably safe to put up stuff, even if you believe it might be 'bad'.